Humans are pros at making excuses (which you can simply view as the evil step-sister of perfectly valid explanations). Humans are also really well-practiced in deflecting responsibility (which is the creepy troll under the bridge toward empowerment). And humans make excuses and deflect responsibility even when the simple truth would suffice in any given situation.
But, if you do not want to do a particular thing, changed your mind about another thing, made a mistake, or you just like what you like and that’s it, what makes it so that you feel that you need to lie about (make excuses around) any of these things if it does no harm to simply tell the truth? What prevents you from saying something like: “I don’t want, or like, glass slippers right now” when you would rather wear your hiking boots, for example.
The most common and obvious answers are ignorance, greed, and/or fear, of course, but the Truthful answer is always nothing (if your current potential lie is not resting on deeper and deeper piles of lies, in which case you have a serious problem).
If being honest does the least amount of harm in any given situation, then, obviously, there is never a real reason not to simply tell the straightforward truth and avoid future issues.
But, as social animals, who–for the most part–want to get along and live peacefully with, away from, or amongst others, many people sometimes feel that they have to make excuses to justify every aspect of their existence, or lie to get what they want or to gain the “approval” of others (when these things are either impossible or unnecessary).
As a result of this dependence on social validation and peer approval for every single aspect of their lives, chronic approval-seeking individuals tend to stifle everything from their own healthy intuitions to their own vital intelligence and knowing, so as to, instead, engage in lies (sometimes even to the detriment of their health). Instead of acknowledging/accepting their differences, fleeting flaws and/or flubs, and/or their uncommon preferences, and simply moving forward and onward in peace, many approval-seeking individuals suppress the truth of who they are on a daily basis for mediocre scraps of empty social “validation.”
When those who are disconnected from their inner guidance become reliant on outside validation to justify their every feeling, thoughts, and action, they tend to lose their own sense of autonomy and integrity, as well as the ability to fully walk a higher path and live their life in Truth. These individuals, without meaning to, turn into desperate liars both to themselves and others. And, thus, often find themselves on the roller-coaster of trends and popular opinions based on nothing except baseless group thinking/sentiment, which only keeps them stuck in bonds of stagnation and suffering.
Very few people (by which I essentially mean none) who depend on external validation for their sense of identity or worth take ownership or responsibility for themselves or their lives. They either do everything (and anything) for the approval of others and, therefore, disconnect from their own wants and needs, or they have long default lists of external factors to make excuses for why they do what they do, which results in a lack of true self-awareness.
For the latter group, it is always the beer, the stars, their guru, the way someone looked at them, their mother, their father, their country, or anything else that determines how they show up in life (not what happened to them, which is often outside of their control, but how they respond). But, while no one person has ultimate control over everything in life, and there are many external factors that can influence the shape of a person’s experience at any given moment, everyone does always have, or can get, control of themselves at any point if they choose to do so; and no permission from an external source is required to do so.
Always remember, please, that it is not anything outside of you that made you do any particular thing or act in any particular way; it’s you…whatever distortion or lower attachment within you that still needs dissolving is what will bind you to suffering in life, and it is your responsibility to find ways to safely dissolve these things. You need to honestly look at your distortions and make the effort to work them out since no one else can do this for you. Note, please, that Liberation is gained alone. Others may walk with you on the journey to inner freedom, but Kaivalya literally translates to aloneness.
If you get drunk and are mean/nasty to people, don’t blame it on the “ah, ah, ah, ah, ah alcohol,” blame it on the qualities that you maintain/hold within you that need clearing away (since there are many sweet and jovial drunk people that exist in the world who can manage their intake of liquor). If you ruined your relationship through cheating; it’s you, not your partner or any other thing that you want to blame for getting you involved in breaking your oath to yourself and your companion. If you wasted all of your money on stupidity, then you need to accept this and work it out. If you can’t handle consuming sugar, or cannabis, or bread, or TV, or anything else, without becoming compulsive or overindulgent due to your lack of self-regulation, don’t blame these things, and find others to condemn them with you so that you can justify your issues, blame your lack of self-control and work that shiz out since none of these things, by themselves in responsible hands, has ever jumped out of a bush and hurt anyone.
As Beyoncé once famously stated (although under a different context): “Look in the mirror, say whazzup!…Whazzup!(?) Whazzup!(?) Whazzup!(?)”
Lying to yourself and making excuses, or blaming everything under the sun for the things that you do, does you no good and is simply an expression of ignorance in the same way that blaming yourself for things that are not your problem, responsibility, or your fault does no good and represents a different expression of ignorance.
In the same way that when you do no wrong, and you are wronged, you are best served simply acknowledging the BS and moving on, do the same when you do do wrong (pun accepted). Again, simply avoid telling lies, or believing in lies. Honesty with yourself and others is vital for progress on your path.
When you are tempted to make excuses (lies) and not just simply look neutrally to perfectly legitimate and honest explanations for things, ask yourself: What within me made me think, feel, say, and/or do that? Is it Absolutely True?
Continue digging deeper by asking these questions again and again until you get to the root of what needs clearing…and, then, clear it.
Thank you for reading.
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